


Fighting Leviticus

by TwistedRocketPower



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Religion, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:15:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28794531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwistedRocketPower/pseuds/TwistedRocketPower
Summary: It's strange how a few words written into a book can dictate your entire life. It can lead you down roads you never thought you'd travel. It makes you fight who you are and forces you to be someone else.And when you've been doing it for eighteen years, you reach a point where you forget it's all a facade. This is just life, and that's okay.That's the point Reverend Phil had reached until one day, when a guy came into the church in need of a job, it all got screwed up.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 44
Kudos: 64





	1. Keep Your Prayers

**Author's Note:**

> My first multi-chapter story in a long time! I hope you enjoy.
> 
> tumblr: softgolftechnique

If there was one thing Phil was good at, it was listening. It was part of the job. He listened to people all day; hearing the good, the bad, and everything in between. Some people even considered it a flaw of his. They'd tell him he was too nice, too passive, too much of a pushover. They'd tell him he needed to speak up and say what he was really thinking, and he'd simply nod and agree in response.

Phil didn't mind listening though. At least, he didn't mind most of the time. There were certain times, however, he wished he could press a button and eject himself out of his chair and through the roof.

“Which brings me back to what I was saying before, Reverend, I just think you and Shelly would hit it off so well.”

“I'm sure your granddaughter is lovely, Mrs. Wells.”

“So you'll go with us to dinner then, yes?”

“Time permitting, I would love to join your family for a meal. However, my family will also be in town, so-”

“So, you'll want to be spending time with them, yes, I understand. Well, Reverend-”

“Phil, Mrs. Wells. Remember, you can just call me Phil, alright?”

“Reverend Phil, I'll leave you with the cookies I brought and let you get back to work. Share some with Sara, alright?”

“Yes, Ma'am. Have a good day, Mrs. Wells.”

“You as well.”

Phil got up and followed behind Mrs. Wells as she left his office and headed out of the church. He looked over at Sara, who was smiling at him.

“Be quiet,” Phil said, rolling his eyes.

Sara put her hands up in surrender. “I never said a word.”

“You didn't have to.”

“She really likes you,” Sara said, getting up to follow Phil back into his office. She grabbed the container of cookies off of his desk and took one.

“You can take the container,” Phil said, sitting down in his chair. He put his glasses on and started looking over his papers, but stopped when he realized Sara was just staring down at him.

“What?” He asked.

“You know what we have to do.”

Phil slumped back in his seat and groaned.

“Oh, grow up, old man,” Sara said, throwing a cookie crumb at him. “I'm eight months along. You've got to find someone to take over while I'm on leave.”

“I don't want anyone else. I'll manage on my own.”

“No, you won't.” Sara picked up a stack of resumes off of Phil's desk. “You haven't touched the list I gave you, and I narrowed it down to the best ones.”

“Just close your eyes and pick one,” Phil suggested.

Sara sat down in the chair across from Phil, letting out a sigh as she did. “You're going to be the one stuck with whoever we choose,” she reminded him. “I'd choose wisely, if I were you.”

Phil grumbled for a moment, then reluctantly gave in, knowing he'd never win an argument with Sara. “Ugh. Fine.”

He started to get back to his paperwork, but stopped, once again, when Sara stayed in the chair. “We're doing this now, aren't we?” He asked.

“We are.”

“Fudge.”

* * *

“Fuck!”

“Language, Daniel.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up, River.”

If there was one thing Dan was known for, it was talking. His words often got him into tough situations. He lacked a filter, to say the least. He always described himself as a person with colorful language, while others described him as vulgar. Some thought it was funny and endearing, but most found it a nuisance. It's the reason why he had about two and a half people in his life that would speak to him on a regular basis.

“Who did you just so lovingly hang up the phone with?” River asked.

“Like you don't know.”

It had been a long day. A long week really. _Months_ , if he was being completely honest with himself. Months of applying for jobs and being turned down over and over again.

“I really thought you'd be a shoe-in for overnight stocker at Shoes and More,” River said, leaning over to pick up a magazine from the coffee table.

“You're a fucking dick.” Dan sat down on the other end of the sofa, crossing his arms and silently sulking.

“If your interview was anything near as vibrant as this conversation, I am truly shocked you weren't chosen for the position.”

“Why the hell would a company call to tell you that you _didn't_ get the job? What kind of sick fucker does that?”

“Shoes and More, apparently. And Tesco's, and that Chinese restaurant, and the dog food place, and that place that said they didn't want your sperm, and-”

“For fuck's sake, River.”

“Alright, alright, sorry.” River set the magazine down onto his lap and looked over at Dan. “How much do you have saved up?”

“I can cover my portion of the rent for one more month, and my phone bill, but not my credit cards- again.”

“You've signed up with the temp agency, right?”

“Yeah, not that they actually give a shit.”

“Nonsense.” River reached over and gave Dan a pat on the knee. “I'm sure your resume is in the hands of at least ten sperm banks right now, desperate for anyone's load.”

Dan glared at River. “I'm ten seconds away from murdering you right now.”

“You always say that, and yet here I am.” River leaned back against the sofa's armrest. “I'm getting tired of these empty promises, Dan.”

Dan got up from the sofa and headed into the kitchen. It was nearly nine o'clock and he hadn't eaten dinner yet.

“You know,” River continued, and fuck, Dan wished he would stop, “you do have the option of working for-”

“Don't even-”

“Your dad.”

Dan didn't even bother opening the fridge door. “I'm going to bed.”

“It's early yet.” River turned around so he could look at Dan. “It wouldn't be that bad,” he continued. “Just work there until you find something else.”

“River, I'd rather be homeless than work for that man.”

“Well,” River mumbled, “you're about to be.”

Dan shot River a bird as he headed to his room.

“I'll be prayin' for ya, Dan,” River called out to him sarcastically.

“Keep your prayers, you cunt.”

* * *

“So let's turn our attention to 2 Corinthians 1:3. 'Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all of our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.' Let's remember that as we go into another week. A week that may be faced with trials, but a week that God is ready to comfort us through if we do have those trials. And should we see someone else facing a trail, may we comfort those the way He comforts us.” Phil sighed. “I definitely said the word trial too many times. I'll fix it tomorrow.”

Phil always rehearsed his sermons to an empty room. His place was the perfect spot. An apartment situated above the church. A spot where no one could hear him, and he could hear no one. Once Sara left for the day, it was just him here, but he was okay with that.

He had a routine. He would eat dinner- something he could pop in the microwave, mostly- then he'd watch a little TV. He'd read scripture, go over his sermon, and then it would be time to get ready for bed.

After his shower, he'd brush his teeth, and lay down. He had a framed photo across from his bed that was given to him from the old reverend. It was a prayer. The Serenity Prayer.

He'd find himself reading over it every night, even though he knew the words by heart.

_God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;_

_courage to change the things I can;_

_and wisdom to know the difference._

He looked over at his clock. It wasn't even nine o'clock yet, but he was tired. Tomorrow would bring a long day of interviews, and he needed to be ready to find Sara's replacement. He turned off his lamp, and went to sleep.


	2. Help Those in Need

“Thank you, Mrs. Carlson, we'll get back with you in a few days.”

“Please, sooner rather than later. I'd rather not wait a long time to hear back. I'm a busy woman and don't have time to twiddle my thumbs.”

Phil slowly let out a breath. “I promise we won't make you twiddle, Mrs. Carlson.” He stood to shake her hand. “Have a good day.”

As Mrs. Carlson left, Phil sat back down. He looked over at Sara, who was seated beside him.

“Don't say it, Phil.”

“They've all been disasters.”

“Did I not say to not say it?”

Phil took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “Maybe we should just forget it.”

Sara leaned back in her seat. “What about that second guy, he wasn't too bad.”

“He repeatedly told you not to get an epidural when giving birth because it could make your child an addict.”

Sara nodded. “Okay, yeah, he was nuts.”

* * *

“This is borderline harassment!”

“It's not harassment, Mr. Howell. You're nearly four months late on your payments. Payments that, before now, were sporadic at best. Many of them weren't even the minimum due amount.”

There was never a time where Dan wanted to have this conversation, but he especially didn't want to have it while walking in downtown London.

“Well, what would you like me to do, shit out the money? If I don't have it, I don't have it.”

“Sir, I'm calling because it's my job. I have to inform you that if you miss future payments, there will be legal consequences.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “Well, good fucking luck. I don't have any possessions for you to take.” Dan angrily hung up the phone. “Fucking shitheads,” he muttered just as an older woman exited a church and stepped onto the street in front of him, nearly causing him to crash into her.

“Oh, sorry,” he said, slightly embarrassed. He went to move around her when she stopped him.

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself. That language is unacceptable.” She pointed to the church. “Might do you some good to go inside and have a talk with the mighty creator. Good day," she huffed, then turned and continued down the road.

“Bitch,” Dan mumbled. He glanced at the church door as he was about to walk away, then did a double take.

There was a help wanted sign on the door.

He found himself taking a step closer.

Was he really that desperate?

He thought about the fact he was about to have next to nothing in his savings, and he already had nothing in his checking, and he was about to be evicted and sued and his phone would be cut off and-

Yeah, he was that desperate.

He took a deep breath and entered the church.

* * *

It wasn't a huge church, just big enough for a couple hundred people at most. But the high ceilings made it look huge. The cherrywood walls and stained glass windows up above let in little light from the outside. The only normal windows were on either side of the entrance.

Dan walked down the aisle and up to the front of the stage. Recordings of gentle hymns could be heard at a low volume. The feeling in that place could give anyone chills.

He looked to the left and saw a wooden sign that pointed to a bathroom, then to the right there was a sign pointing back to the office.

Going right, there was a hall that led to a nice-sized room. It was all open with plants in each corner. There were real windows back here that let in a lot of natural light. It was so different from the church it looked like it had been added on years after the actual church had been built.

There was a desk in this room, but no one was sitting there. However, there was another door to the right that Dan could hear voices coming from.

“I just felt like Mrs. Carlson was judging me the entire time,” Dan heard a man say as he neared the office.

“That's because she was,” A woman responded.

As Dan reached the office door, he wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. The door was open, but he couldn't see the people from where he was standing.

He decided to knock on the wall. “Hello?” He called out, feeling extremely awkward all of a sudden. He wanted to back out, this was definitely not the place for him, but it was too late.

“Yes, come in!” The man called back to him.

Dan walked into the room to see a man and woman both sitting behind the desk. The first thing Dan noticed was that the woman was clearly pregnant; the second thing he noticed is that the man looked younger than he was expecting; and the third thing he noticed was that they were both staring at him.

Oh God, they were both just staring at him.

“Um, hello,” the man said, clearing his throat. He stood up from his seat. “Can we help you?”

“I, um, I saw the help wanted sign and I was just wondering if you still needed help?”

“Oh!” The man's eyes widened and a smile grew on his face. “Yes, yes we do! I'm Phil Lester, the reverend here,” he introduced, reaching out a hand.

Dan shook his hand. “Dan Howell.”

The woman waved at him. “I'm Sara,” she said, “and I'd get up but I have no desire to do that right now,” she added, pointing to her stomach.

“Oh, no worries. It's nice to meet you. Sorry to just walk in, but I was passing by and saw the sign, so...”

“Don't be sorry,” Phil said, waving him off. “Please, have a seat.”

Dan sat down across from the two, unsure of what to do next. He didn't have a resume with him, not that it was a big help anyway. He just had to remember to be on his best behavior. No cussing, no arguing, no getting defensive.

“So, um, let me just...” Phil's voice faded off as he dug through some paperwork on his desk.

“He's a bit of a disaster today,” Sara said.

“Oi, we could start a club,” Dan replied.

_Shit._ This was not the time for jokes.

He was surprised when he got a little laugh from them both.

“Just trying to find my list of questions,” Phil explained. He looked through a couple more papers before pulling out the one he needed. “Don't know how that got messed up so quickly. Anyway, so, Dan, this is just a temporary position. Sara is going to be out on leave for a few months, and we need someone to take over her duties while she's away.”

“Yeah, it's just your basic stuff. Filing, sorting, answering the phone, scheduling appointments and such,” Sara continued. “Do you have experience with that?”

_No._

“Most of my experience comes from customer service jobs, but it's usually sales associate positions.”

“No office experience?” Sara asked.

Dan let out a deep breath. He wanted so badly to lie, but something about doing it here seemed very wrong. “No, not much, I'm afraid.”

“Well, that's alright,” Phil said, straightening up in his chair. “What previous jobs have you had recently?”

“In the last year, I've worked at Tannon's Fish Market, Wigs and Things, Pop's Grocery Shop, a couple of different museum gift shops, and-” He paused to think. “And the front desk of Wax World.”

“Wow,” Phil replied. “That's a- that's quite a few places. Why'd you leave, if you don't mind me asking?”

“A few weren't good fits for me. But others I didn't so much leave as, um, get removed from my position.”

Dan had only been sitting for a couple of minutes and already felt like a complete idiot. He knew he should have never walked into this place.

“So, you were-”

“He was fired,” Sara finished.

Phil nodded. “Oh, okay. That's, well, things happen sometimes and then, you know, things happen and we just have to pick ourselves back up and dust ourselves off and-”

Sara patted Phil's arm to stop him. “When he doesn't know what to say, he goes into reverend mode. Just give him a minute.”

Figuring he had nothing to lose, Dan decided to fuck it and go with brutal honesty. “Look, I know I'm completely blowing this but I'm desperate. I have been out of work for a while and everywhere I go I get turned down. I'm not going to be able to pay any of my bills next month if I don't get something, so I'm about to be homeless and the thought of that is terrifying. I came in here figuring I had nothing to lose and then I messed up by not just lying my way through the interview, but for some reason I found myself unable to lie while in a church staring at a reverend and his pregnant wife. I'm a good worker and a quick learner and I promise to be on my best behavior, if you'll just-” His voice cut off when he Sara snort.

“Sorry, sorry, it's just you called me his wife and that made me laugh. I'm sorry.” She cleared her throat and pointed at Phil. “Not my husband.”

“Oh, I'm sorry, I just assumed-”

“No matter,” Phil said, waving Dan off. “Dan, you've got the job.”

Both Dan and Sara looked at Phil with wide eyes. “What?” They asked at the same time.

“You've got the job,” Phil repeated. He handed over a piece of paper and a pen to Dan. “Write down your name and number, we'll call you with your start date. You can fill out your paperwork then.”

Dan quickly, while still in shock, wrote down his name and number and handed it back to Phil. “Thank you so much. I don't know what to say.”

“You don't have to say anything. Just be ready for our call.” Phil stood up and offered his hand to Dan, which Dan gladly accepted.

“Thank you so fucking much!” Dan said excitedly, then his eyes widened when he realized. “I mean, shit- no- oh, God!” He let go of Phil's hand. “I am so sorry.”

Phil shook his head. He looked surprised, who wouldn't be, but he also looked like he was trying not to laugh.

“No need,” he replied. “We'll see you soon.”

Not allowing himself to say anything else, Dan waved to Sara and left.

“You're really hiring him?” Sara asked as Phil sat back down.

“That's what we're here for, Sara, to help those in need.”

“You didn't even ask him half the questions on your list.”

“Do you actually think he could have answered them?”

“True,” Sara conceded. “You are going to drug test him, right?”

“Oh, one hundred percent.”

* * *

“So, how is work, Darling?”

“It's good, Mum,” Phil replied, taking his last bite of pie. He usually went to his parents home for dinner once a week. They didn't talk about his job much, his mum only bringing it up to be nice. This week was different though and, even though Phil dreaded it, he knew he had to ask.

“You know we have our annual family service coming up in a couple of weeks,” Phil began. The dreadful silence around him felt thick in the air. “And I just wanted to invite you both to come. I'll invite Martyn too, of course.”

“That's very nice of you, Dear,” Kathryn replied. “We'll see what's on our schedule and let you know.”

That's the answer he expected. It's the answer he got every year.

“Okay,” he answered simply.

“I'm going to clear the plates,” his father, Nigel, said, getting up from the table.

Kathryn nodded. “I'll help you. Phil, you go sit in the living room and we'll be right out.”

“I can help, M-”

“No, no. Go on.”

Kathryn and Nigel headed to the kitchen with the plates. Phil started to go into the living room, but turned toward the kitchen instead. He stopped at the entryway, just out of sight, to listen.

“I don't like that place,” Nigel whispered. “I don't want to go there.”

“Ni, it would be the eighth year we haven't gone. I'm running out of reasons to say no.”

“He already knows the reason, Kath. That place isn't good for him.”

“Maybe... Maybe we don't really know what's good for him,” Kathryn tried to reason. “Maybe he's where he's meant to be.”

There was silence for a moment before Nigel responded. “You don't really believe that, do you?”

“No, I don't.”

Phil turned and went into the living room to wait. He couldn't bear to listen anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: softgolftechinque


	3. This Calls for Shots

“You? Working at a church?”

“That's the third fucking time you've asked that, River. Yes, I'll be working at a church.”

“Sorry, I'm mostly just shocked you weren't immediately struck by lightning or turned to dust upon entry.”

Dan walked into River's room and sat on the edge of the bed, watching as River put together a new bedside table on the floor.

“I figured it'd be more likely I'd turn to stone,” Dan said.

“So, what'll you be doing?”

“Secretary work while the actual secretary is having a child.”

“Ew.”

“You don't have to say 'ew' every single time you see or hear of a pregnant woman.”

“I can't help my aversions, Dan,” River replied defensively. “What's your salary?”

“I have no idea.”

“How long will you be working?”

“Not completely sure.”

“Do you know the details of the job?”

“Just, like, an overview.”

River stopped hammering in a nail to look up at Dan. “Did you actually go to an interview or was this some drunken dream you had?”

“You're a-”

“Fucking cunt. I know, I know, God, get some new material.”

Dan went to respond when his phone began to ring. He pulled it out of his pocket and answered. “Hello, this is Dan,” he said, changing his tone for the conversation.

“Oh my God, you faker!” River exclaimed, causing Dan to aggressively wave at him to leave the room.

“Yes, Sara, it's good to hear from you.”

“Who even are you?” River asked.

_"Get the fuck out!"_ Dan mouthed angrily.

“You're literally in my room.”

Another angry motion from Dan and River was getting up. “Fine, fine.”

As River left, Dan stood to walk around while he talked to Sara.

“I just wanted to give you some more info about when you'll be starting,” Sara said.

“Okay, that sounds wonderful.”

“Seeing it's Friday, you can start on Monday. I'll spend the week training you and then you'll be on your own after that.”

“Alright.”

“Your hours are 8-4 on Monday through Thursday, and then on Friday you'll be 8-1. Church is at 10am every Sunday morning. Any questions so far?”

“No, I- just, um... Church?”

Sara paused. “Yes. We have weekly services every Sunday. Fairly standard practice for churches.”

“No, I know, I just-”

“It's just kind of a rule that if you work at the church you also attend it. That is, unless you already have a home church?”

“Oh, no,” Dan responded, immediately regretting the fact he didn't lie. “No, I will be there.”

“Excellent!” Sara replied, and Dan could hear a smile in her voice. “So, we'll see you Sunday for church, and then Monday for work.”

“Sounds good. Thank you, Sara.”

“Bye, bye.”

Dan sighed as he hung up the phone, then walked out to find River, who was cleaning dishes in the sink.

“So, how'd the conversation go?” River asked when he saw Dan. “Did God take your voice for speaking in such a fake tone?”

Dan ran his hands through his hair and plopped down onto a barstool. “I have to join the church for weekly services.”

River nodded, turned off the sink, then opened a cabinet and pulled out tequila. “This calls for shots.”

* * *

On Sunday morning, Dan reluctantly got up and got dressed for church. He wasn't sure exactly how he should dress, but he found a black pair of jeans that weren't ripped, and a white, button-up shirt and decided that was good enough.

It took about twenty minutes to walk to the church, and in that twenty minutes, Dan had about a hundred different thoughts.

He hadn't been to a church service in years. Growing up, the only time he went to a service was if he was staying with his grandparents, or on Christmas and Easter. He stopped going for good when he went off to college, and the thought of having to sit through a service now was almost incomprehensible to him.

He also felt like a fraud. He hadn't fully lied to Phil or Sara, but just being in the church felt like a lie. Like he wasn't meant to be there. Like acceptance inside of that place was impossible.

As he neared the church steps, he stopped and watched a few people head inside. They were smiling and talking to one another. They looked harmless enough, but Dan still felt like he was about to step straight into a trap.

So, he didn't.

He turned around and headed back in the direction of home. There was a pub nearby where he could kill the hour so he didn't have to explain to River that he chickened out.

* * *

On Monday morning, Phil found himself waiting by Sara's desk for Dan to arrive. “He's not gonna show.”

“I didn't tell him he'd be drug tested today,” Sara replied, scrolling through her phone. “He'll show.”

“How do you know?”

“I don't, but there's a fifty percent chance I'm right.”

“He's not gonna show,” Phil repeated, “and we're gonna have to start all over finding a replacement.”

“You need to chill out, Phil. You're causing me stress and you know that's not good for the baby.”

Phil glared over at her. “You can't use that as an excuse every single time I annoy you... but sorry.”

Sara smiled, setting her phone down on her desk. “Listen, if it doesn't work out I'll stay an extra week while we find someone el- Dan!” Sara exclaimed as Dan walked into the room.

“Hello,” Dan said, an awkward smile on his face. “Am I late?”

“No, you're right on time,” Phil replied. “We just got here.”

“You're literally always here,” Sara said, “but I just got here a couple minutes ago. Here, come sit.” She patted the chair next to her, “I'll show you a few things then take you on a tour of the place.”

“I'm going to go into there,” Phil said, pointing toward his office, “and work on next week's service. Let me know if you need anything.”

Phil headed into his office as Dan sat down.

“Missed you at service yesterday,” Sara said, getting right to the point.

“Oh, yes, I um, I had a family emergency,” Dan replied, feeling his face getting hot. If he twisted it enough, he could figure out a way for that to not be a lie.

“Everything alright?”

“Yes, it's fine now. Thank you.”

“Good, that's good.” Sara twirled in her chair, moving over just enough to be able to reach the filing cabinets behind her. “To get started, these are, obviously, our filing cabinets. Phil's very old fashioned, so he writes all of his sermon's out by hand. After each sermon, I take his notes and file them away.” She opened a drawer to show Dan. “Each month has its own folder. It's pretty simple.” She closed the drawer and turned back to her desk. “When the phone rings, just answer 'Shadow Hills Church' and ask how you can help. It's usually older people calling, so if you say more than that they tend to get annoyed.”

Sara looked around. She tapped her finger on her chin for a moment before continuing. “On Monday's, we count tithing. You'll keep a record of it on the computer, and then take it to the bank for a deposit. I'll show you that later though. We also have a way for them to tithe online; it took me two years of nagging for Phil to add that feature. People can contact us via email, so I usually check that twice a day. Once in the morning, and once about an hour before I leave.” Sara held onto the arm rests of her chair and pushed herself up. “We'll have time for all that later. Right now, I need a walk. Let's go on that tour.”

Dan nodded, getting up and moving over to she could lead the way.

After yelling out to Phil that they were going to be gone for a bit, Sara began to lead Dan down the hall. “So, Dan, tell me about you.”

“Not much to tell, really,” Dan replied.

“You mean there's not much you _want_ to tell?”

“I guess so.”

“I get it,” Sara said. “That's always been my answer too.”

Sara showed Dan around the church. There really wasn't all that much to see. The only thing Dan hadn't noticed his first time there was a door by the bathroom.

“It leads to Phil's apartment,” Sara told him. “You go up some stairs and he's got a place there.” She stared at the door for a moment, as if she were in deep thought, before turning away and heading back into the main part of the sanctuary.

Dan watched as she put a hand on her back and began to rub, her face twisting into a grimace.

“Are you alright?” He asked, concerned.

“Oh, yeah, I'm fine.” She walked over to a pew and sat down, so Dan sat beside her. “The little nugget is just getting a bit heavy for me and my back kills.”

“When are you due?” Dan asked.

“A little over a month. Not sure if I'm excited or terrified, but he doesn't really care either way.”

“It's a boy?”

Sara nodded. “Still have no idea what to name him, but we'll figure it out.” She looked over at Dan. “What's your full name?”

“Daniel James,” he answered. “I don't recommend it.”

“How come?”

“Comes with a lot of baggage.”

Sara laughed. “Don't we all.”

They sat in silence for a moment, just staring at the stage, before Sara started up again. “You're not really a church goer, are you?”

“That obvious?”

Sara shrugged. “When you've been going as long as I have, you can kinda tell when someone hasn't been.”

“I went quite a bit growing up,” Dan explained, “but I didn't stick around as an adult.”

“S'alright,” Sara said. “I know coming into a church, especially when you're not used to it, can be a bit daunting, but I think you'll like it here. Phil's a great guy; he's super calm and kind and respectful.”

“How long have you worked for him?”

“Seven years. We've known each other since we were fifteen though.”

“Oh, wow.”

“Yeah, we met at this church, actually.”

“So you've both actually grown up here?”

Sara took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Sort of, yeah.”

She got the same look on her face that Dan noticed when she stared at the door leading to Phil's office. He wasn't sure if he should ask anymore questions about it, so he didn't.

“Anyway,” Sara started, as if she had just finished a conversation in her head, “Phil's not a judgmental guy. I know a lot of people worry about that in churches, but he's not like that. Some of our older members can be pretty crabby, but most of our parishioners are kind as well.”

“That's good to know." Dan was starting to feel a bit more comfortable now.

“I guess we should get back to the office. You need to fill out some paperwork,” Sara said, reaching a hand out for Dan to take. “Help me up, please.”

Dan stood and helped pull her up, then they began walking back toward the office.

“Oh!” Sara said as they headed down the hall. “I need your pee.”

“...What?”

“For a drug test,” She explained. “Just tell me when you have to go. It's an over the counter, we'll figure it out.”

* * *

Phil didn't end up leaving his office until the end of the day. When he walked out, Sara was there alone, no Dan in sight.

“Did he quit?” Phil asked.

“Are you implying my training would send him straight out the door?”

“Never said that.”

“Thinking it is almost worse, Phil,” She said, feigning upset. “But no, he didn't quit. I let him leave a bit early. He caught on to everything pretty quickly. He even passed his drug tests, shockingly.”

_“Tests?”_ Phil questioned. “As in plural?”

“Well, to be honest,” Sara said, getting up from her chair and grabbing her bag, “I was fairly certain it was a false negative the first time so I made him take it again. But, he's clean.”

“Oh my gosh, Sara.”

“Oh, don't Sara me.” She smacked Phil's shoulder as she walked past him to head out. “You want to come over for dinner tonight?” She asked, looking over her shoulder to make sure Phil was walking with her. “Tom's making tamales.”

“Not tonight,” Phil said. “I still have lots of work to get done.”

“Alright, I'll bring you leftovers tomorrow.”

“Thanks.”

“And Phil,” she said, stopping at the door, “come out of your office tomorrow. Talk to Dan. Let him know you aren't gonna bite him.”

“I was _busy,”_ Phil whined. They'd had conversations like this before.

“Mhm. I know you, Phil. You've been used to me for seven years now, and I know it's a big adjustment but you've got to be a-”

“Friend to have a friend,” Phil finished. “I know, Mum.”

Sara rolled her eyes and opened the door. “See you tomorrow, Phil.”

“Bye.”

* * *

“ _I don't want to hear it.”_

“ _But, Grandma, I-”_

“ _I said I don't want to hear it. You've gone one day. This will help you break out of that shell. You're with all those other kid, having fun. Your brother's even there.”_

“ _It's not the same. You know that.”_

“ _Phil, I will not listen to you whine about a situation you put yourself in. You will grow up and go every day this summer. We all agree it's for the best.”_

“ _I ju-”_

“ _Do you understand me?”_

“ _I-”_

“ _You answer with a simple yes, Phil.”_

“ _Yes.”_

“ _Good. Now go to bed.”_

Phil woke up covered in sweat. He flopped over onto his back and rubbed his eyes. He knew he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep tonight. He reached over and got his glasses from his nightstand, then got up and headed into the living room.

He turned on a lamp, then sat on the couch and picked up his Bible off of the coffee table. As if routine, he opened the Bible to Leviticus and began to read. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: softgolftechnique


	4. Two Very Different People

“Ow! What the fuck?!” Dan opened his eyes to see River standing over him, holding a pillow up and ready to smack him again.

“Yeah. What the fuck, Dan? Your alarm's been going off for ten minutes.”

“Ugh,” Dan groaned. He grabbed his phone and turned off the alarm. “I don't wanna go.”

“You have to go.”

“But I worked yesterday.”

“I know this is going to be shocking to you,” River replied, tossing the pillow on top of Dan, “but most jobs require you work more than one day.”

“This sucks.”

“You suck. Now get up and go to work so I can go to bed.”

* * *

Dan surprised himself and managed to get to work on time, only to find no one in the front office when he arrived.

“Hello?” He called out, his voice low. Maybe he wasn't supposed to be here today? Maybe he could go home and go back to bed. Maybe-

“Oh, hello!” Phil answered, cutting off Dan's thoughts. Phil came out of his office with an almost-too-big smile on his face. “Sorry, Sara forgot she had a doctor's appointment this morning so she'll be a bit late.”

“That's alright. She taught me quite a bit yesterday so I should be fine until she gets in.”

As Dan headed over to the desk and sat down, Phil cleared his throat. “I'm, um, I'm sorry for not being around much yesterday. I tend to jump right into working on my next sermon once I've finished the last.”

“That's fine. I couldn't imagine having to put a new sermon together each week.”

Phil shrugged. “Get's easier as time goes on.”

“How long have you been here?” Dan asked.

Phil grabbed the extra chair and moved it to the other side of the desk. “I've been the reverend here for seven years,” he answered as he sat down, “but I've worked here for over nine.”

“Wow. I've never been anywhere that long.”

“I like being settled, I suppose.”

“I'm not sure I've ever been settled anywhere, like, ever.”

“You say that like it's a bad thing,” Phil said, a small smile on his face.

“Is it not?” Dan asked.

“Doesn't have to be.” Phil crossed his legs, settling his hands over his lap. “Doing different things, going different places, trying all those jobs you talked about in your interview... You've gotten to figure out what you like and what you don't.”

“I'm not sure I've figured out anything that I like yet.”

“Maybe soon then.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

Dan felt weird- or uncomfortable, really- he wasn't one to open up. He and River would have a deep conversation every once in a while, after a whole lot of booze had hit his system, but otherwise he was a pretty surface level guy. And now he was airing his grievances to a random pastor that he has barely conversed with up to this point.

“Sara told me that you two met when you were fifteen,” Dan said, getting the subject off of himself.

Phil paused. He got a distant look in his eye for just a brief moment. “Yeah,” he replied with a nod. “Yeah, we both went to summer camp here. Then, any other time I'd come visit my grandma, we'd hang out together. She's a good friend.”

“So this was like your home away from home?”

Phil nodded. “Sort of. Reverend David, he was the man who worked here before me, took a liking to me. Saw potential, I guess. He ended up paying for me to go to seminary school. Once I graduated, I had a job as his assistant, and then he gave me everything when he retired.”

“You _own_ the church?”

“Yup.”

“That's a lot of responsibility.”

Phil grinned. “I like responsibility.”

“You and I are two very different people,” Dan replied, smiling back at him.

Phil took a deep breath, then cleared his throat and stood, “Well, I better, um, get back to my office.” He moved the chair back and headed toward his office. “Sara should be here soon. Just tell her to come to me when she gets in.”

“Alright,” Dan replied with a nod. He turned on the computer so he could at least pretend like he was doing something. “I'll be here.”

* * *

After lunch, Sara decided to go for a walk. Phil was in his office working, and Dan was playing with Excel, trying to remember how to use all of the functions.

He heard footsteps coming toward him and figured Sara came back early but, when he looked up, an older lady was there staring at him.

“Hello,” Dan greeted. “How may I help you?”

“Hello, Dear,” the woman replied. “My name is Ethel Wells, but you can call me Ethel.”

Dan stood and shook her hand. “Hello, Ethel. I'm Dan.”

“Well, aren't you lovely. Tell me Dan, are you going to be taking over for Sara while she's on leave?”

“Yes, I will.”

She smiled. “I can already tell you are going to fit in splendidly.”

“That's kind of you. Thank you. Would you like to have a seat?” He asked. He had no idea why the lady was there, but she seemed pleasant enough.

“Oh, no, no. I'm actually here to see Reverend Phil.” She held up a tin in her hands. “I bring him cookies each week. Would you like one?”

As Dan was going to decline, she opened the tin to show some of the most beautiful chocolate chip cookies he'd ever seen.

“I'd love one,” Dan replied. “They look amazing.”

“Thank you, Dear.”

Dan took a bite, and they tasted even better than they looked. “Wow! I think you may be my favorite person ever.”

That got a laugh out of Ethel. She closed the tin and set it down on the desk. “You're too sweet. See, I actually bake these to try and win the reverend over.” She leaned in closer to Dan so she could whisper. “I'm trying to set him up with my granddaughter.”

“Really?” Dan asked, matching Ethel's whisper.

Ethel nodded. “Two years now I've been bringing him treats; he hasn't budged yet.”

“Doesn't make sense,” Dan said, shaking his head. “One bite of these cookies and I'm ready to go out with _you,_ Ethel.”

Ethel's cheeks turned pink. She laughed, waving Dan off. “You're too much, Dear. I'm afraid this old lady is out of service. My husband passed ten years ago, and I have been a free woman ever since. However,” she leaned in toward him again, “if you are looking, my granddaughter is-”

“Mrs. Wells!” Phil greeted, cutting Ethel off. “I thought I heard you.”

“Reverend! Lovely to see you. Great service this week; just what I needed to hear.”

“I'm glad you enjoyed it.”

“I just wanted to drop off these cookies for you.” She motioned to the tin on the desk, “And let you know that I'm looking forward to family week. I've got the countdown on my calendar.”

“Only a few weeks to go,” Phil replied. “Thank you for the cookies, Mrs. Wells.”

“You're welcome. I best be off, I have shuffleboard at three. I'll see you Sunday, Reverend, and you,” she turned toward Dan, “Dear, it was lovely meeting you.”

“You as well, Ethel. Thank you for the cookies.”

Once Ethel was out of the building, Phil turned to Dan, who was trying and failing to hide a smile.

“Stop it,” Phil said.

“Stop what?” Dan asked cheekily. “She's a lovely lady.”

“I heard the conversation; she's terrible at whispering.”

“I think, and this is just a random thought, but I think she might want you to be part of her family.”

Phil sighed. “She's nearly eighty-five years old. I stopped trying to explain to her that I can't marry a long time ago.”

“Can't marry?” Dan questioned.

“It's a church rule. How about you though?” Phil asked, returning Dan's cheeky look from before. “I came out just as she was about to give up on me and turn to you.”

“Oh, no.” Dan shook his head. “It's a Dan rule.”

“Mm. I'm gonna go back to work.”

“Alright.” Dan reached over and grabbed the tin. “Are you sure you don't want me to call the number on the side of the box?” He turned the tin so Phil could see. “Says it's for a Shelly. Sara taught me how to transfer the call right to you.”

“Absolutely not.” Phil walked over and took the tin from Dan. “And I'm taking my cookies.”

“Enjoy the love cookies, Phil.”

“Rude boy,” Phil called out as he went into his office, shutting the door with his foot.

Dan laughed.

Maybe working here wouldn't be so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the lovely reviews! I love reading them!
> 
> tumblr: softgolftechnique


	5. Promise

Phil was focused on reading a chapter of Proverbs for his next sermon when he heard a tap on his open office door.

“You looked in deep thought,” Sara said, stepping into the office.

“I was,” Phil replied. He closed his Bible and leaned back in his chair. “What's up?”

“Just sent Dan home.” Sara sat down. “He's all set to start on his own on Monday.”

“I can't believe the week is already over,” Phil pouted.

“Oh, come on! No whining, remember? You and Dan have got along fine this week.”

“I know,” Phil agreed. “I'll just miss you.”

“I'm not dying, Phil. You'll still see me all the time.”

“Promise?”

“Promise. Now you have to promise me something.”

“Oh no. What?”

“Dan's the new one here,” Sara reminded him. “Make him comfortable. I know you've made an effort the last few days, but you've still spent more time in here than usual. He's a nice guy- a bit all over the place- but that's even more reason for you to talk with him.”

“You always tell me _I'm_ all over the place.”

“You are,” she agreed with a smile. “Just in a different way.”

Sara got up and walked over to Phil, holding out her pinky. “Promise?”

Phil wrapped his pinky around hers. “Promise.”

* * *

On Saturday, Martyn came over to Phil's place, then they headed out for lunch.

“How've you been?” Martyn asked once they ordered.

“Good. You?”

“That's the shortest response in history, Phil. At this rate we'll be finished talking before our order gets put in.”

“There's just nothing eventful, really,” Phil replied with a shrug. “Church stuff you don't much care about.”

“Well, we don't have to go into the ten commandments, but I can still hear about your work. How's Sara and the baby?”

“Yesterday was her last day for a while, actually. She started leave to get ready for the baby.”

“Wow! That's gone by fast. Who's taking over? Someone from the church?”

“No, I didn't let that be an option. I didn't want to make people upset if I interviewed them and didn't hire them.”

“So, who is it?”

“His name's Dan,” Phil answered. They paused for a moment when the waitress brought their drinks. “He doesn't have much experience, but he was desperate, and so was I. He's done well this week though.”

“That's good.” Martyn took a sip of his drink. “What about you? Anything happening in Phil-world?”

Phil sighed. “I know what you're getting at. We always have this conversation when we have lunch.”

“And we always will.”

“I'm not looking for anyone, Mar. It's a rule for being the reverend at the church.”

“It's _your_ rule that _you_ made up.”

“Actually, Dr. David made it.”

Martyn groaned. “Don't bring him up.”

“He's not a bad guy, M-”

“Not a bad guy?” Martyn repeated, his eyes wide. “Are you kidding me? Phil, he-”

“Stop it, please. Just stop.”

Martyn took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Subject change?”

“Yes, please.”

“Okay. You wanna hear about the deadly crash I saw this week?”

“Always.”

* * *

On Sunday morning, Dan found himself just outside the church, again contemplating whether or not he should go inside.

It felt different, going to church for a service instead of work. There would be a lot of people, they'd notice he was new, he'd have to introduce himself and probably shake a lot of random people's hands, and Dan has a distinct memory of new members being introduced to the congregation at his grandma's church when he was young.

Oh dear God, if Phil called him out in the middle of the service he's pretty sure he'd pass out from embarrassment.

But, it was part of the job, and he couldn't afford to lose his job.

So, he didn't back out this time. He walked up the steps, opened the door, and went into the sanctuary.

Shockingly, the room didn't go silent the second he walked in. No one pointed him out or stared. They were all deep in conversation with one another, finding their own seats, and getting their Bible's and notebooks out for the service.

Dan went to sit in the back pew when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see Sara smiling at him.

“Hey,” she said, and Dan noticed a man behind her, smiling as well. “You made it!”

“I did!”

“This is my husband, Tom,” she introduced, pointing back to Tom. “Tom, this is Dan. He's my replacement while I'm on leave.”

“Nice to meet you,” Tom said, shaking Dan's hand. Dan couldn't help but notice that Tom had the straightest teeth he'd ever seen. Honestly, he looked like he was right out of a magazine. He also lacked a British accent, which surprised Dan a bit.

“You too.”

“Come sit up front with us,” Sara said. She continued past Dan, then Tom motioned for Dan to go ahead of him.

Reluctantly, Dan turned and followed Sara to the front pew.

“You excited to be taking over for Sara?” Tom asked once they were all seated.

“Oh I'm sure he's thrilled,” Sara said with a laugh.

“I am excited to have a job, honestly,” Dan replied.

“Yeah, it's tough out there,” Tom agreed. “Took me forever to find a job once I graduated college.”

“He's an accountant for a non-profit just outside London.”

_An accountant? With that face?_

That's what Dan wanted to say, but he managed to refrain.

“And yes, it's as dreadfully boring as it sounds,” Tom added with a laugh.

“Sounds like a good job to me,” Dan said, trying to be polite. Because, yeah, it did sound boring.

“S'alright,” Tom said. “I want to take over as CEO one day. Double majored in business and accounting for that reason and wow what a boring conversation this is. Sorry.”

Sara patted Tom's leg. “Part of getting old,” she said. “All we know to talk about is work, weather, or our woes.”

“Speaking of weather-”

“Tom,” she stopped him. “We don't have time for a weather rant.”

Dan smiled. They seemed like a cute couple.

He could tell Tom was about to continue with his weather talk when the music started up, quieting the congregation, as everyone stood.

Dan went through all the motions. He didn't sing, but he stood when everyone stood, sat when they sat, kept his eyes toward the front during the service, and even nodded a few times to make it appear as though he was actually listening.

He didn't mean any offense to Phil. He simply had no desire to listen to a full hour of Phil rambling on about a God he didn't believe in.

Dan was thrilled when he made it through the entire service. He was even more thrilled when he was able to slip out at the end of the service with a simple goodbye to Sara and Tom.

* * *

After church, Dan met his grandma for lunch. She was in the city for a couple of days to spend some time with a friend and Dan couldn't think of an excuse not to go for lunch.

Actually, he probably could have thought of something, but he liked his grandma, so he didn't mind spending time with her.

“How've you been, Love?” She asked, taking a sip of tea.

“I'm good. I just started a new job this week.”

“Really now? What is it?”

“I'm a receptionist at a church.”

She looked at him incredulously. “You? At a church?”

“Why do you look so surprised?”

“Because I was always the one dragging you to church. You hated it.”

“Well, it's a job, so...”

His grandma reached over and put her hand over his. “I'm worried about you, Daniel.”

“Jeez, Grandma, I thought you'd be happy about me working at a church.”

“I am,” she replied. “Although very confused. But that's not what I'm speaking about.”

“What's the matter?”

“The matter is I woke up yesterday morning with a voicemail from you at 2am saying you missed your grammy's cuddles.”

Dan blushed with embarrassment. He had been alone on Friday night and, after getting into the liquor cabinet around ten, he didn't remember much. “Sorry, Grandma.”

She waved him off, then moved over to the chair between them, putting an arm around Dan and giving him a squeeze. “Grammy is always happy to give cuddles.”

Dan was even more embarrassed now. He patted her arm, and inwardly hoped this moment wouldn't last too long.

“Love,” she continued, pulling back a bit so she could look him in the eyes. “I want you to be happy. That's what worries me. I hate to think of you being lonely.”

“I'm fine, Grandma,” Dan replied, putting a smile on. “I promise.”

* * *

Dan was on the couch, playing Mario Kart when River got home from work.

“Next time I offer to do four hours of overtime on my day off, shoot me.” He sat his bag down by the door, then walked over to Dan.

“No witty response?” He question. “Church really does change a person.”

“I'm concentrating.”

“You don't have to concentrate with Mario Kart. You won first place once while blindfolded.” River laid down on the couch, resting his head on Dan's lap. “Come on, Daniel, tell your lover what's wrong.”

“Ew, we're not lovers.”

“Ouch. Okay, tell your ex-lover what's wrong then.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “We're not ex-lovers either, River, and you know I fucking hate that word.”

“I can't believe you're denying our love like this.”

“Me kicking you in the nuts when you tried to drunkenly kiss me five years ago does not make us anything.”

“Still the best relationship I've ever had.”

River closed his eyes and let them sit in silence for a moment before continuing to pry. “Come on,” he said, reaching up to poke Dan's thigh with his finger. “What's wrong?”

Dan sighed. He set his controller down and turned off the TV before answering. “Do I seem lonely to you?”

River opened his eyes and stared up at Dan. Dan kept his eyes on the TV, afraid all of his feelings would burst out if he actually looked back at River.

“Yeah,” River replied honestly. His voice was quiet- sad, maybe. “But isn't everyone?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the reviews! They mean so much to me.
> 
> tumblr: softgolftechnique


	6. Nearly Thirty

When Dan walked into work on Monday morning, he noticed the air felt different. A bit thicker. Or, maybe, he was just overthinking because Sara wasn't there anymore. He'd be working alone now, no one to fill the void between him and Phil.

It wasn't that he and Phil didn't talk, it was just that they didn't talk _much._ They were polar opposites in Dan's mind, and it seemed neither of them knew exactly how to get a conversation going. Sara was a good buffer between them. She had a quick wit and could throw out one-liner's with Dan all day while, at the same time, she and Phil seemed to have a super close connection and deep understanding of one another. Sometimes, it seemed they could have a conversation without a single word being spoken.

Yeah, Dan was definitely going to miss her being around.

“Good morning,” Phil said, stepping out of his office as Dan sat at his desk.

“Good morning,” Dan replied.

“You ready for your first day alone?”

Dan nodded. “I think so. Sara texted me last night that she left me some reminders.” He looked down at the desk and found a couple sheets of paper stapled together. “And here they are,” he said, briefly flashing them at Phil.

“If you have any questions, feel free to ask,” Phil said. “I'll just be working on next week's sermon.”

“Alright. I think I'll check some emails and get started on counting the tithing.”

“Sounds good. I'll be back out later to check on you.”

* * *

Phil went back into his office feeling like an idiot.

_I'll be back out later to check on you._ That sounded ridiculous. Dan wasn't a five year old. Phil didn't even mean it in the way it sounded. What he meant to say, what he _should_ have said, was that he'd be back out in a bit. That would have worked fine.

He felt so awkward. It was his job to speak with people, get to know them, have a conversation. And, with his congregation, he could. But he'd never had to deal with having a new employee. Sara was already his best friend when she became his secretary.

And Dan was different. He was quieter, kind of closed off, like he was afraid if he opened his mouth then too much would fall out.

Sara had always been an open book to Phil. She'd tell a story without ever being asked about it, and that's what Phil was used to. He didn't have to be the conversation starter with her.

Dan was different from Sara in other ways too. He was a man, for one. He was tall, and he always wore tight, black jeans with a different style shirt or sweater. Like, one day he wore a white, button-up shirt that had beetles all over it. He had tucked it into his jeans so it fit a bit tighter and Phil couldn't help but notice how perfectly it had been ironed. And another day Dan wore a sweater that was all black except for one sleeve that was white. And then-

Phil stopped himself. This was ridiculous. Yes, of course, Dan was different from Sara, but that didn't mean anything.

Phil was overthinking.

Everything was fine.

He just needed to get back to work.

* * *

It was lunchtime when Phil closed his notebook to give his hand a rest. He had the strongest urge to grab a sandwich from the mini fridge in the corner of his office and keep to himself for lunch, but he knew that wasn't the right thing to do. He might be a bit anti-social, but he wasn't rude.

He had also noticed that Dan didn't bring anything for lunch.

As Phil was heading out of his office, Dan was heading in, and they barely managed to stop in enough time to not ram into each other.

“Sorry!” Dan exclaimed.

“I'm sorry!” Phil said at the same time.

“Um, I was just, uh,” Dan held out a bag, “I was bringing the tithing in to see if you wanted to double check my numbers before I deposit it.”

“Oh, um, no. No, it's fine.”

“Okay.” It was then that Dan realized he was still a bit close to Phil, so he took a step back. “I will just, um, go deposit this then and then I'll be back.” God, he felt flustered. He had been surprised to see Phil right in front of him, close enough to smell his cologne, and it threw him off.

Phil nodded. “Alright.”

Phil sighed as Dan started to walk off. It seemed ridiculous, but it felt like a “now or never” type situation.

“Lunch!” Phil blurted out.

Dan stopped and turned back to Phil. “What?”

“I just- lunch. We need to eat lunch.”

“Oh, I didn't bring anything.”

“We'll go out.” Phil felt like a true idiot, standing in his office doorway, barely able to put a sentence together. He went and grabbed his jacket and wallet from the office, then came back out Dan standing in the same spot.

“I didn't bring my money,” Dan said, figuring that sounded better than telling Phil he actually didn't have any money to bring at the moment.

“S'alright,” Phil replied. “My treat.”

“You don't have to do that.”

Phil waved him off. “There's a lovely cafe down the street. They give me a discount cause I'm always there.”

“What about the tithing?” Dan asked as they started down the hall.

Phil had already forgotten about that. He took the bag from Dan and tossed it back towards Dan's desk. Even though they were still fairly close to the desk, Phil managed to miss and the bag fell to the ground.

“We'll worry about that later,” Phil said. He felt confident, maybe a bit overly confident, and he didn't want anything to mess up the moment.

Dan smiled. “Okay. Lunch it is.”

* * *

At the cafe, Dan ordered a turkey club, while Phil opted for a reuben. Phil also ordered them a side of crisps to share, informing Dan that they were the best homemade crisps he's ever had.

“I've been coming here for years,” Phil said. “I usually sit in the corner table by the window.”

Dan looked over and saw a small table with only one chair. He'd never say it to Phil, but it looked sad.

“Sara doesn't come with you?” He asked.

Phil shook his head. “Not usually. I come a lot on Saturday's, when she's not working. And during the week, she says it's her moment to have a break from me.”

Dan smiled. “She needs a break from you? You're so quiet.”

“Mind if I record you saying that for her?” Phil asked with a laugh. “I'm not actually as quiet once you get to know me, it just takes a minute to get me there.”

“I get it. I'm not exactly the definition of an open book.”

“You'd just think, with the career I have, that it would be little easier for me to have a normal conversation with another human. I guess I'm the exception to that reverend rule.”

“How exactly did you get to rule your kingdom?” Dan asked, then added. “Is that sacrilegious in some way?”

Phil laughed. “I don't think so.”

“I just mean, I know you told me about taking over for the last reverend, but what's that entail?”

“Well, I got a masters in theology at London School of Theology. During that time, I'd come here and help Reverend David whenever I could, almost like an internship, I guess? Like I said, he paid for my schooling, so anytime I could help out, I did. Then he hired me as an assistant to him, and an assistant reverend, and I did that for two years until he retired.”

“Did you always know that's what you wanted to do?”

Phil thought for a moment before responding. “I guess I didn't ever really consider anything else. I like helping people, giving them hope, letting them know they're loved. Reverend was the perfect job for that.”

“Sometimes I wish I'd have had a clear path like that. I never seemed to figure out what I wanted.”

“You still have plenty of time.”

“I'm nearly thirty.”

“Doesn't matter. Like I said before, getting to try out all of those different jobs, even though they didn't work out, sounds like it could be fun.”

“It used to be,” Dan agreed. “It felt rebellious, I guess? But then my savings started disappearing until it no longer existed, and bills got a lot fu- freaking harder to pay, I'd see my degrees hanging on my wall and I swear they were _actually_ made at me, and my parents felt the need to be far more invested in my life than I'd ever wish for them to be, and... well, it got less fun after all that.”

“Degrees?” Phil questioned.

“Very long story.”

Phil could tell Dan didn't want to get into that at the moment. “But isn't it freeing, in a way? To be able to try all these different things? I know it's tough being low on money, I get that, but something about the idea of it all seems so open. I don't know, just, _free.”_

“I suppose. Although stability is starting to sound a lot better than it used to, to be honest.”

“It's weird, isn't it?” Phil asked, rhetorically. “People always seem to want the opposite of what they have.”

Dan wanted to as Phil what he meant. For some reason, he felt the need to delve deeper into the world of Phil Lester. He felt like he'd barely scratched the surface.

It's not something he ever cared about before. Co-workers and bosses of the past were just annoyances he couldn't wait to get away from.

This was different.

Before Dan could ask any questions, the moment was broken by the waitress returning with their food. They settled for lighter conversation for the rest of their lunch.

* * *

“So, none of you are coming?”

After lunch, Dan and Phil returned to the office and continued working. When the phone rang a couple hours later, a lady with a kind voice asked to be transferred to Phil. Now, Dan couldn't help but overhear the conversation they were having, at least Phil's side of it, and he had a feeling the lady he had spoken with must've been Phil's mum.

“I should've expected it, I was just hoping.”

“Well, I am upset. Every year someone asks me where my family is for the _family_ service and I have to make up some excuse.”

“That doesn't matter.”

“Mum-”

“Mum, stop, that's ancient history. Doesn't matter.”

“Please, stop.”

“No, I won't be able to make it.”

“I'm not punishing you, Mother, I just... I can't talk about this anymore right now. I've got to go.”

“I know. Bye.”

A heavy silence filled the air when Phil hung up. Dan wasn't sure if he should leave him alone or go talk to him.

He knew that Phil had to know he'd overheard. It was impossible _not_ to hear.

And if anyone understood family drama, it was Dan.

Without another thought, Dan got up. He looked in at Phil, who had taken his glasses off and had a hand pressing against his forehead, staring down at his desk.

Dan tapped on the open door, getting Phil's attention.

“Sorry, I um-” Dan noticed that Phil looked near tears. He sighed. “I have crappy parents too.”

Phil gave him a little smile. “They're not crappy,” he said, putting his glasses back on. “They're just... I don't know.”

Dan nodded. “I get it. Need to talk about it?”

“No, but thanks.”

“Alright. I better get back to my-”

“Do you like Scrabble?”

“Um, yes?” Dan replied, confused.

Phil waved him in. “Come, sit,” he said. He got up and pulled the game out from a bookcase behind him. “I could use the distraction.”

Dan pulled the chair closer to Phil's desk and sat down. “I haven't utilized my linguistic skills in quite some time,” he said in a dramatic, posh accent. “But I must give you forewarning, I am extraordinarily superior at word games.”

Phil stopped opening the box to stare at Dan. “Are you trying to frighten me, Mr. Howell?” He asked, matching Dan's tone.

“That depends, Mr. Lester,” Dan replied, crossing his legs and raising his eyebrows. “Is it working?”

Phil snorted, unable to keep up the act any longer. He sat down and opened the box, smiling as he spoke. “This is going to be fun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for your reviews. They mean so much to me. When I start to feel unsure of my writing, I come on here and read what you guys write and it helps me so much!
> 
> tumblr: softgolftechnique


	7. Crappy

Phil was halfway through a pint of cherry ice cream and about to start his third episode of Intervention for the night when there was a knock on his door.

He sighed, paused the TV, and set the pint on the coffee table, then got up.

Another, more aggressive, knock made him groan. “I'm coming, I'm coming.”

When he reached the door, he took a second to prepare himself for what he knew was coming.

“Four days and not a word,” Martyn started before Phil even had a chance to fully open the door.

“I did not give you a key to the church for this purpose.”

“You gave me a key for emergencies,” Martyn replied, walking past Phil and into the apartment. Phil rolled his eyes as he closed the door.

“Which this is not.”

“Not hearing from you for four days _is_ an emergency in my book, Mum's and Dad's too. I told them you were probably pouting, but figured I'd make sure.”

“I'm not pouting,” Phil defended.

“Yes, you are. Come on, Phil, you had to have known that we wouldn't come to family week. None of us ever have.”

“Mum and Dad came the first year,” Phil corrected, “but it was before I started preaching.” He walked over to the coffee table and grabbed his ice cream. “It would be nice,” he continued, walking to the freezer and putting the ice cream inside, “if you all came and actually listened to me.”

“Phil, I don't know how many times I can say this before you finally understand, but they don't feel comfortable here. This place freaks them out.”

“If only they'd felt so strongly eighteen years ago.”

Phil grabbed a couple notebooks from the kitchen counter and went back to the couch, sitting down and angrily flipping through the pages. He had no idea what he was even looking for, he just didn't want to be staring at his brother.

“That's not fair,” Martyn replied. “Mum and Dad had no idea what was going on. Fuck, Phil, I didn't even know and I went to the same summer camp.”

“It was _not_ the same,” Phil mumbled.

“You know what I mean, Phil. We were here together that first year and I had no fucking clue what was going on. None of us knew until after you were an adult. You can't blame them for not wanting to step foot inside this place. I don't know how you live in this apartment after-”

“Go,” Phil interrupted, his voice wavering. He still couldn't look at Martyn. His eyes were burning and his head was pounding. “Just go. I don't care if you all don't come. I just want to be alone.”

He could feel Martyn standing there, staring at him for a moment before turning to leave. “I'll let them know you're alright.”

Phil didn't let himself cry often. He'd get close sometimes, but he'd be able to fight it off before tears actually fell.

Not tonight though. Before he even realized it, he let out a sob. His breath caught in his throat and the tears stung as they fell.

* * *

“Fuck me with a chainsaw!” Dan yelled, tossing his phone onto the couch and plopping down beside it.

“Too tired tonight,” River replied. He put his own phone down on his lap to give Dan his attention. “What's the matter now?”

“My father will not stop texting me about joining him on his next employee retreat.”

“Where are they going this time?”

“Spain.”

“And he wants you to come along because?”

“Because then maybe I'll realize I've been insane, decide to stop being an embarrassment, and begin my career as his assistant, as I should have done nearly eight years ago. His words.”

“Yikes.”

“Yeah.” Dan pushed his phone even further away from him. “Stupid motherfucker.”

“Does he still add on the shit about finding a nice woman to settle down with?”

“Not lately, but it's like I can feel it looming in the air every time he messages me.”

River moved around, turning so he could look at Dan without having to twist his head. “Maybe-”

“Do _not_ even go there,” Dan warned.

“I'm not saying you should work with your dad. Not an option, he's a dick, I get it. But you could work at a firm somewhere else.”

“Why don't you just shove a couple forks into my eyes for something far less painful?”

“It wouldn't have to be forever!” River reminded him. “Just something steady until you figure out what you want to do. Plus, your dad would be pissed to hear you were working at one of his rivals.”

Dan shook his head. “The second I step foot in one of those places, I'm stuck there forever.”

“Dan, you graduated top of your class-”

“Not on purpose.”

“And it cost so much money-”

“Not mine.”

“Don't you think it would be wise to use the skills you have just until you could get somewhere you actually like? Save up enough money to be settled and then fuck 'em?”

Dan grabbed his phone and got up from the couch. “I can't listen to you anymore.”

“Why? Cause you know I'm right?”

“Because out of all the people in the goddamn world, I thought talking to you would make me feel better, but it kinda makes me feel like maybe my dad is right.”

“Dan, come on, that's not what I-”

Dan waved him off. “I'm going to bed.” He went into his room, shutting and locking the door behind him. He knew River. He knew that if the door was left unlocked, River would come in and try to talk some more, and Dan didn't feel like talking.

He felt like a teenager again. The same way he felt when he was sixteen and he'd just gotten in a fight with his parents over what he wanted to do with his life.

Dan laid down on the bed, lying on his side, staring out his window. He felt like an idiot, nearly thirty years old and brought to tears by the simple thought of following in his father's footsteps.

He bit at his lip as it trembled, and he shut his eyes tight when a tear fell down the side of his face and onto his pillow. He needed to steady his breathing. As long as he focused on that, he could pretend that nothing else was wrong.

He was okay.

Everything was fine.

* * *

The next day at work, Phil felt tired. Exhausted, actually. His eyes felt heavy, his muscles were sore, and he still had a headache from last night.

When Dan popped into the room to let him know he'd arrived, Phil couldn't help but notice that he looked the same way Phil felt.

“Hey,” Phil said, only able to give an unconvincing smile.

“Hey,” Dan replied. His voice sounded just as small as Phil's.

“How was your evening?”

Dan didn't give too much thought before replying. “Crappy. Yours?”

Phil nodded. “Same.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like a broken record but I'm very thankful for the reviews! Thank you!
> 
> tumblr: softgolftechnique


End file.
